I need religion.

TRUE RELIGION that is!

I have a problem. I like nice things. But something I like even MORE is to see nice things on a nice BUM (one bum in particular)! I have always had a thing for a man in designer jeans. I mean, I'm not talking "oh those jeans are nice"....I'm talking I get all hot and bothered & make a fool of myself over JEANS.

So although David wears red wings 90% of the time, the other 10% of the time he can actually look pretty darn sexy. ESPECIALLY when he's wearing THESE:

The farmer's bum...OW OW!

I finally talked him into getting a nice pair of jeans when we were in West Palm earlier this year. We walked into the True Religion store & I was immediately having hot flashes like there had been a heat wave. (Their air conditioning wasn't broke...it was just me getting all hot & bothered). So I grabbed a bunch of jeans off the shelf & pushed David into the dressing room. I tried to keep my calm, but when he came out of the dressing room I fell in love all over again! (Pathetic is right!) David swears that I shed a tear....but it was really just allergies. Of course he decided that he needed to share this small detail with everyone & now every time he wears these jeans around my family, they give me MORE than a hard time about crying over David in a pair of $200 jeans. 

Well let me just tell you BOYS....I know I'm not the only one that has this problem. So listen carefully....if you want to impress your woman or are still looking for one to impress...get yourself a pair of nice jeans. Yes, your gonna drop a small fortune on a little bit of fabric, BUT it's worth every penny of it. Your bum will have never looked so nice! AND just think about how many times your can wear a pair of jeans! It's not like the top you bought last year that you have already stuffed to the back of your closet (mostly you girls can understand this). PLUS they last forever. They are so durable. 

Mainly....you need to be sold on the fact that your lady or the lady you want to be your lady is going to WANT you as soon as you step out in a rockin' pair of jeans. 

OH and don't get me wrong, I don't discriminate against other designer jeans. Bums also look nice in Sevens, Citizens, etc. 

And to the woman who are actually reading this....Christmas is just around the corner & your man won't be mad at you for buying him a really expensive pair of jeans after he sees the way you look at him once he puts them on! =) (P.S. go ahead and buy you a pair too)

Trust me on this...You'll thank me later,

Loren

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.."

"...the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference" -Reinhold Niebuhr

One of the greatest challenges (for me) as a farmer's wife is accepting the brutal schedule that is farming. Let me tell you, NO ONE could have prepared me for this life!

I grew up in a small town, very rural...so I have always been surrounded by farmland. However, I couldn't tell you the first thing about farming. Sure, I can tell you what I thought about it...and then you're going to think I'm ridiculous, but that's okay. Here's just a few thoughts that went through my narrow mind:

1. Cows stink

2. Why don't farmers wash their cows butts? They poo all over themselves. Ew.

3. They grow a lot of green stuff. 

4. I love the smell of dried up corn....You know, the stuff that they store in the silo's! 

 Because it reminds me of being on my Papa's farm when I was very little. 

(Note to self: Ask David what the technical term for dried up corn is tonight)

5. Hay bails were called "hay barrels" in my world. Why wouldn't they be? They're round!

6. There's only one brand of farm equipment and his name is: John Deere.

7. And so the list goes.

Back to the point of the story....

When I met David he was working in Lexington, where I was living. After realizing we were pretty serious about each other we made the decision to move back home (*gasp). Strangely enough, we grew up in neighboring towns but never knew each other. So long story short, we moved back home. I went to help my mom with her mid-life crisis...I MEAN, her new restaurant...and David went back to farming. 

David gave me warning after warning that farming was long hours, hard work, yada yada. I agreed thinking I knew exactly what he meant. 

Let's just say, the first year of our marriage was a very TRYING time. 

1. We were newlyweds 

2. We had a new baby 

3. I was just getting a TASTE of what he really meant by all those warnings. 

However, we fought through it and now I'm finally starting to come to terms with his vicious schedule & realizing that no matter how many tantrums I throw, he's still gonna work until dark! 

Now I can kinda joke about it...I say "kinda" because I'm not 100% joking!!! hah...But my FAVORITE thing to say when people ask where David is, is "He's with his other woman" (other woman meaning the farm or those heifers!! tehehe) Side note: google the term "heffer"...it's quite hysterical when in reference to a farmer! 

Anyway...

Needless to say, I have a love-hate relationship with summer. It's my absolute favorite time of the year, but I also dread it the most! Longer days, more sunlight....means less time with the hubby. =(

So I've finally gotten smart over the years and have decided that the only way I'm going to get to spend time with my husband during these dreaded months is to help him! (You all must know by now I'm head over heels in luv with this man!) So, I have begged to help him with his tobacco this year & after he finally ran out of excuses to keep me away, which if you know me, fueled my fire even more, he gave in! 

Lets get one thing straight here. I may not be the most likely person for the job, BUT I'm a hard worker & no one is going to tell me I can't do something! Not that David actually came out and said "I don't think you're cut out for this", but I knew exactly what he was thinking! 

I have surprised my husband more in the past few months than in our entire marriage. And of course I have documented it all! Here's a look at my efforts to be a more likely farmer's wife:

Settin' Baccer...officially a pro

Probably shouldn't have worn the rings

Just a little dirty

The tobacco Setter

David loading us up! Isn't he so stinkin' (literally) cute??

Plowing Tobacco

Unloading Hay

My Tory Burch sandals were probably not the best choice

Oaks....always right up in the mix!

Raking hay...I'm just along for the ride.

Topping Tobacco

In 100 degree weather might I add

PRO fessional

Oaks playing in the patch...in his diaper. True redneck baby!

The hubs and I taking a water break! So happy =)

Making a fashion statement in Nona's hat! 

Strippin' tips! (This picture was from last fall)

As you can see, I'm playing my part in this marriage! But most importantly, I'm getting to spend some quality time with the hubs this summer & loving every dirty, sweaty, hot minute of it!

I have come a long way from where I started since we said "I do" & have learned a lot about his job! I still keep my fingers crossed every night that he will be in a little earlier & I still feel a little lonely at times, but after helping David (as much as he will let me), I have a whole new respect for farmers & for David especially. I am so thankful for all of his hard work & for trying to be the best farmer he can be! It only makes me want to be a better wife! =) 

Have a great weekend!!!

Dear Fairy God Farmer...

I have a crush. A BIG...HUGE crush on Louis V. Specifically.....

The Louis Vuitton Neverfull GM

Ohhhhhhh emmmmmm geeeeee. Is it not dreamy? Couldn't you picture me carrying it? I day dream about this bag. 

This could be ME. Minus the sun visor/plus a little more butt cheek

Dear Fairy God Farmer (a.k.a. David),

I have been a very, very good farmer's wifey & feel I deserve to be rewarded. I only want one little thing....just this one little LV bag. I promise to cook more, clean more, do laundry more than once every 2 weeks, & maybe even strip a little tobacco this fall if you'll just bring me this one little thing. 

Yours truly,

me

Confessions of a Farmer's Wife....

CONFESSION #1: I have a shopping addiction.

Sooo people....although it is tough for me to admit, this girl has a few flaws.

One possibly being a little thing called a shopping addiction.

HOWEVER, I must say I have come a long way from where I have been in the past. The first step is to admit you have a problem. I admit it.

Lets just say there may have been a time in my life where I ran to the mall every time I planned on "going out" & may have never worn the same outfit twice! (I know you all feel me on this one...everyone is guilty!!!!) I can think of a few legitimate excuses for my actions:

1. I was blessed in the fact that I only had to work for spending money, 

which in turn was spent all at the Fayette Mall. 

2.  I lived in Fayette Mall's back yard all through college...I could have sneezed on it. 

So it was to say the least, convenient.

3. I hadn't found my farmer boy to sweep me off my feet (he in redwings, I in my heels) 

& bring me down to earth a bit.

I have learned to somewhat control my spending (or hide it from my husband if I must..hehe) upon entering the "real world" which includes being a wife, a mother, & having to pay bills. Lets just say the bank account suffers if I don't keep it under wraps.

David monitors my spending since he feels I can get a little out of control sometimes and always tells me "No unnecessary spending Loren", but what exactly is unnecessary spending? Umm....I think everything I buy is totally necessary and can justify it one way or the other! Are ya with me?

So anyway, the point of all of this is that I feel it is necessary to let you all in on a few purchases you simply must make before planning your next vacation.

Necessary Purchase #1: The Folding Mobile Wagon by Frontgate

This wagon is sooo handy when you are making a trip to the beach....

And it folds up nicely for easy storage! Sweet right?

AND it makes a nice little bed for your little one so you can still enjoy the sun while they nap! CRUCIAL!

Frontgate also makes some great beach chairs & pool toys that are worthy of purchasing!!

Necessary Purchase #2: Lands' End Canvas Tote

The totes come in all different sizes, styles, & colors

This is the real deal, must purchase item. I absolutely LOVE my Lands' End totes. We have a couple & I use them all of the time. They are great traveling. I especially love the ones that zip. 

They are also great gifts! (Even better because you can monogram them!) My totes were probably one of my favorite gifts of all time! And the best part is, they are having a sale online right now. So if you know someone who has a birthday coming up, is getting married, having a baby, or if you want one for yourself...nows your chance!

Necessary Purchase #3: An Ipad

Maybe these are a little pricey, but I will say they are worth every penny for the peace & quiet that they produce!!!! As a parent, what on earth did people do before technology gave us things like this? It's pretty sad that my 2 year old runs around the house yelling "where's MY Ipad", but hey, we drove 12 hours in the car with a 2 year old, the Ipad saved my life....we go out to eat, the Ipad saves my life, I want to watch something other than Mickey Mouse on tv, the Ipad saves my life...Buy one. You'll thank me later.

Alright, so I guess some of you are probably understanding my point when I say I'm not exactly sure I understand what an unnecessary purchase is. I find a reason for EVERYTHING to be necessary & I've been in the dog house for it more than once. I guess there are some things the farmer just can't change....

On a more reasonable note...Necessary purchase #4: A Good Read

If you're anything like me, you can't go on vacation without a good read. I'm always looking for good books to read, so please let me know what your favorite books are!

Last week I read a book that I have to admit I wasn't overly enthused with....

It was good...good enough to finish...and it had to good moments, but I just love a book that I get so into that I can't put down. This one, not so much. Sorry Kate. =(

Here's a list of books I die over:

The Help

Water for Elephants

Saving CeeCee Honeycutt

Best Friends Forever

Fly Away Home

The Same Sweet Girls

Just to name a few...If you need other suggestions, hit me up!

Here's what I've just recently ordered from Amazon.com:

Georgia Bottoms

The Weird Sisters

Last but certainly not least....Necessary Purchase #5:  5 Hour Energy Shots

These babies right here will have you hoppin' on down the road, focused & alert, feelin' like Dale Earnhardt Jr. What? A 12 hour drive? No problemo!

This was me...taking "corners like its on rails" down 65 with my 5-hour energy

CONFESSION #2: I like Drugs....

HOLD up....I'm not talking like the hard core drugs. Uh huh, I can't believe you would actually think I had a little problem! Lets get real though, I'm just talking about a little LEGAL drug called Nitrous Oxide, aka Happy Gas!

So evidently I have FAILED at life & have developed a potty mouth full of cavities. EEEEEK! I'm totally blaming this on my child (sorry Oaks) & not on the pot of coffee I drink every morning or the Mountain Dews in the afternoon. Although it has not been scientifically proven, I'm not the only mom who has gone to the dentist after having a child & wound up being told they have a dirty rotten mouth.

At least my mom's a dentist & I don't have to worry about robbing a bank to get all my teef fixed. She hooks me up.

But the point IS....I secretly enjoy getting fillings (& maybe a little crown that we won't mention) every once in a while because I know I can get hooked up to the GAS. I should seriously question my judgement on that, BUT it is so much fun. If you're scared of the dentist or dread going...PROBLEM SOLVED! Just ask for a little Nitrous Oxide next time, and POOF you've found your new best friend!

Clown nose on...feelin' goooood

Probably had SueAnn turn it up a little too high at this point! hehe

WARNING: Don't text & gas

Don't judge....we've all got our problems! =)

Much love...

Ballin' on a Farmer's Budget!

We're Back!!!! My family and I just spent a fabulous week just off of St. George Island, Fl. As you know, last Friday was a tough day for us & our vaca was just what we needed to clear our heads.

On the way down we stopped in Burmingham, Alabama & spent the night at a fantastic resort called the Renaissance Ross Bridge Golf Resort & Spa.  It was good to break up the long drive for the youngsters. I recommend this resort as a getaway for anyone who enjoys great hotels, good food, an awesome pool, golfing, & the spa!!!! It would be a great place for the family OR just a romantic weekend with you & your significant other! Check it out....

We stayed in a gorgeous house on the bay...

Don't get the wrong idea, it wasn't just the three of us in this beast. There were 16 people total. 9 Adults, 6 children, & the wonderful Miss Katie (will introduce you to her shortly). My entire family, including my mom, stepdad, & brothers were there along with the Wise clan, good friends of the fam. We all managed to get along great!

We spent most of our days relaxing by the pool/beach, listening to the Dave Matthews Band channel on Pandora (note: add station immediately if it isn't already on your playlist), drinking LOTS of vino, reading books, chasing kids, eating great food (mostly grouper), & laughing. I couldn't think of a better way to spend the week! :)

Yum

We didn't really do anything special for the Fourth, but I have to say I found the most appropriate prop (just laying in my bedroom) to use for pictures this day. See below:

Happy Fourth of July!

"Only worry in the world, is the tide gonna reach my chair...."

And there the flag is again!

Mar-Mars (my mom) & I...& the flag!

And the post-card picture of the week goes to.....

It feels good to be FREE.....Happy Independence Day!!!!

A sign I found that was both appropriate for the day & maybe just a little appropriate for me!

On the Fourth we ate at a neat little place on the Island called The Blue Parrot. Oaks was a trooper having not had a nap all day.

Watching Phineas & Ferb on the Ipad. Have I mentioned how you MUST have an Ipad if you have small children? Will get to that later...

Just couldn't make it any longer...

Daddy Dave

Still asleep as we tortured him...just a little bit

The whole fam damily....minus Logan who ran off to Panama Beach for the night

Sweet baby blues

Beach time...

Pool Time...

"The Cuban Launcher" 

Surfin' in the USA

Practicing our "Big Boy Pottying"

Takin' a little siesta

Getting some "Unc Logan" time in...

Scuba Steve

Fun with the camera...

The lovely "Miss Katie" and her kiddos...

So I mentioned Miss Katie earlier. Now it's time to tell you how amazing this chic is! Miss Katie is the Wise family's sitter who came along to help take care of the kids. She is sooo great with the kids & we were very blessed to have her along. She even braved keeping Oaks a few nights along with the other 5 kids so that David & I could go out with the adults. Oaks absolutely adored her. If only we could duplicate her.

Some of our crew went "scalloping"

So all in all we had another successful family vacation....aside from the way to close encounters with a few raccoons, getting in a fight with a porcupine-looking palm tree (& it winning), & drinking my weight in red wine.  

I can only think of two things to complain about....

1. I forgot to have someone water my flowers & they were on the brink of death when we got home. DEVASTATING! If you know me, it's a miracle they've lasted this far into the summer. BUT, they were very forgiving & have perked up since then. 

2. My Zeke wasn't waiting for us at home with his wagging-tail & uncontrollable barking. =(

We weren't home for 20 minutes before David said "Lets go to the farm" (can't believe it took him that long!!)

So Oaks threw on his work boots, we hopped back in the car & took off to the farm. Needless to say, I had two HAPPY boys.

And I picked some fantastic veggies from the garden....(Papa Dave grows a mean garden!)

I'll leave you with a very simply recipe that Nona Rita (David's Mom) gave me for SQUASH PATTIES. They are so yummy!

SQUASH PATTIES

2 c. peeled & grated yellow squash (can also use zucchini)

1 Tbls. sugar

1 egg

1/2 c. flour

1 small onion, diced

salt & pepper to taste

*Mix all ingredients together & fry in hot oil.

Feels good to be home.....